How To Be More Fun
Back in the day I usually wasn't very much fun to hang around with. In fact I was often the boring and uptight person who dragged their friend's good time down. I'd like to think I'm a little better these day.
Being fun is a trait people generally appreciate in others. If you can be more fun, they'll enjoy being around you more. It is something that has a time and a place though. If you're at a party, or in a joking mode, you generally want to be around fun people, and having fun yourself. If you're going on a quiet walk with a friend, that same fun behavior from someone may not fit the situation as well.
Overall, I see being fun as just one social 'mode' of many people can be in. Sometimes it's the right one for the circumstances, sometimes not. This article covers the idea in more detail:
Regular Logical Mode vs. Fun Partying Mode In Social Interactions
I think there are two aspects to being more fun. There are the behaviors that actively make you more fun, and there are the traits to avoid that make you less fun.
Being more fun
When I was trying to think up all the traits I've noticed that seem to make people more fun, I realized they were all fairly vague and general. You'll see what I mean in a second. This vagueness means two things. First, as long as they're sticking to the very general principles, everyone can be fun in their own style. Your fun self can be a relection of your normal self.
Second, the principles are relative. What I mean is one person can apply a principle with a low level of intensity to be fun in a subdued way, which their audience may appreciate more than someone who's very over the top. Another person can apply the same principle in a more crazy, energetic way. Sometimes I get this mental image of a fun person being a loud guy standing on a table with a beer in each hand. But I think that's more a particular flavor of being fun, which you'd have to be in a certain mind set to appreciate. You can also be fun in a more low key manner, and in a style other than "Hyper, drunken party animal".
Be amusing and joke around
In one way or another, fun people are often funny. Sometimes it's because they're purposely being a comedian and trying to make their friends laugh. With other people it's more that they have a naturally amusing personality, and can't help but be entertaining as they go about their lives.
Introduce people to fun new activities and situations
Fun people also have a knack for bringing the people they're with into fun scenarios. Some of them just simply know good places to go and fun things to do. Others have this hard-to-pin -down ability to just get everyone they're involved with into crazy situations. Rather than make a normal response to a situation, they'll be a bit more spontaneous and unpredictable and get all their friends involved in something memorable.
Help people have more fun themselves than they normally do
A lot of us are used to going through life at a certain level of being reserved. We may have a better time if we came out of our shell, but we're used to the default setting. Fun people are good at convincing us to let loose a little more. Sometimes it's because their own enthusiasm is infectious. At other times they have a skill for applying some light, harmless peer pressure (to get you to do something you'll like anyways). The classic example is the person dragging their more reluctant friends onto the dance floor, where they start to have fun once they get going.
Get in touch with that goofy, immature side of yourself
Having fun often means being more silly and childish than normal. You have to shelve the more sober parts of yourself and temporarily regress to a goofier, more free side of your personality. It means laughing at retarded jokes and stupid antics, instead of being serious and judgmental about them. I think a lot of people use alcohol to help them get into this state, but you can get there without it.
Be a little more crazy and reckless than you would normally
Another part of being fun is being a more spontaneous and uninhibited relative to your normal self. That doesn't mean you have to start tearing down street signs or anything, just that in fun situations, being a bit more wacky or reckless than usual normally isn't seen as a big deal.
Purposely try to have fun
Some people have fun naturally. When I have fun at least, at some level I'm trying to have a good time. Instead of quietly hanging back, I seek out things that I think will increase the fun I'm having. Fun people are pretty skilled at seeking out good times, or creating them out of nothing.
More fun people know how to amuse themselves. Hopefully the situation will be fun from the get-go, but if it's not then they'll stir something up. They'll meet some new people. They'll suggest something to do. They'll inspire other people to get into some wacky situation and see where it leads.
Have tricks and talents that make you more fun
This is a more minor point. Fun people often have all these little skills they can pull off that make other people have a good time, if only to get one cheap laugh out of them. They may know a bunch of jokes or stories, or be able to pull out some funny dances, impressions, or corny magic tricks. Sometimes people see these party tricks as cheesy and trying too hard, but they can get a good reaction too.
Fun people are also probably reasonably proficient in 'standard' having fun skills like dancing and playing pub games. I harp on this point a lot, so I'll leave it at that...
Being less "un-fun"
The traits that make you less fun are more concrete and straightforward than the abstract principles in the previous section. Avoiding these un-fun traits is just as important to being fun as the ideas above, maybe more so.
Don't be the person who never wants to do anything
If you're ready to have a good time, it's pretty irksome to be around someone who isn't up for any of the activities that you think will lead to you having fun. There are two parts to this point. First, don't be the person who never wants to do anything new. Second, don't be the person who never wants to do anything *period*, and who always wants to stay in. When other people are rearing to do something, not being on board drags them down. Be reasonably open to new suggestions and don't expect your friends to always want to do more humdrum things with you. You could also say a third variation on this to not be the person who wants to quit everything halfway through.
Wherever you are, don't just hang back and do nothing
If there's one thing that identifies less fun people, it's that they never seem to be doing much. If you were to go to, say, a staff party, the more fun people would be making the rounds talking to their coworkers, joking around, maybe dancing, and generally having a good time. On the other hand, the more boring people can be found sitting at a table staring off into space, watching the dance floor but never joining in, or being physically in a group or conversation but not engaged with it.
There are other ways you could describe such people. Maybe they're shy in these situations, maybe they don't know anyone, maybe they're not having fun, maybe they don't know what to talk about, maybe they don't know how to dance, maybe they think they're being cool by hanging back, or maybe they're distracted by other concerns. These things could all be true, but if you're looking at them from the perspective of wanting to have a good time, you can't help but think of them as boring. You can go a long way towards being more fun if you just make an effort to participate when you're out doing things with people.
There are several reasons why you might not be participating more already. You may not have the skills or knowledge to take part (sorry, more harping on that point again). If everyone is talking and you're not good at conversation then joining in is easier said than done. If everyone wants to dance but you're hopeless at it, then you're resigning yourself to watching on the sidelines. What if everyone is talking about something you're not knowledgeable about?
You also may not have the desire to join in. You may not like what everyone else is doing. You may also not like the people you're with and not be particularly motivated to jump into the action. I've been in my fair share of situations where I wasn't much fun because I told myself the people I was with weren't my style and that I didn't enjoy hanging out with them. The obvious solution is to improve your attitude about others. If you find you dislike most activities except for a handful of them, it may help to branch out a bit.
You can see here that you may have a longer road ahead of you than you thought. If you have to change your attitude of pick up some new skills, that isn't something you can do overnight.
Don't be too picky about what you require to be entertained
A person hanging back at the bar while their friends are off elsewhere could just be shy or not know what to say to people, but they could also be thinking something like this:
"I'd dance but music isn't very good."
"I'd drink but it's too expensive."
"I'd talk to people but they all look stuck-up."
"I'd talk to people but it's too loud in here."
"I'd talk to my friends but they're all being annoying right now."
"I'd have a good time but this bar sucks."
And then the ironic statements:
"I'm bored."
"This place is boring."
"The people I'm with are boring."
Thinking back, I've been this person more times than I'm comfortable with. While I was complaining to myself, my more fun friends were out there dancing, drinking, meeting people, talking, and having a good time, despite the supposedly less-than-ideal conditions. Make the best of whatever situation you're in. Focus on the positives instead of the negatives. If you can only have fun under the perfect circumstances then what's the point?
Don't sit back and wait for the amusement to come to you
This is related to the above point. Another big trait of less fun people is that they're not good at creating a good time for themselves. They depend on the situation or other people to provide them with entertainment. If they go to a party they won't take the initiative to try to meet some new people or get involved in a fun situation. Instead they'll hang back and wait for people to come talk to them or rely on their friends to keep them interested. If the friends get distracted by something else and no one stimulating chats to them, then the less fun person will become resentful and not have a good time.
I also remember being bored in various places and having all these 'if's running through my mind. "If the DJ starts playing better music I'll have fun. If I was at (some other bar) I'd be having fun. If my friends start acting a certain way I'll have fun. Until those things happen I'll remain bored." I was totally passive. I thought I could only have fun if things largely out of my control flowed towards me.
Don't be a downer
When people are having fun, they're sensitive to anything that may bring down their mood. Being around someone who's a buzz kill like this isn't pleasant to them. One way to be a downer is to complain all the time: "This place sucks.", "This place is dead.", "I'm bored.", "Let's go somewhere else.", etc, etc.
A second way to bring people down is to keep bringing up inappropriately depressing and heavy topics for the circumstances. If you're out on a Friday night and it's obvious your friends want to take it easy and blow off steam, that isn't the time to go on about how you hate your parents, or how all your ex-girlfriends toyed with your emotions.
Don't be overly serious
Being too uptight has also contributed to my being less fun in the past. I'm sure it has for many other people. Recognize any of these?
"These people are so shallow. Why don't more people want to have deep, intellectual conversations?"
"Drunk people are so annoying."
"Ugh, everyone's being so loud and obnoxious."
"Why are those people dancing like that? It's so embarrassing."
"I can't believe my friends are doing that, what a bunch of idiots."
"I'm too mature to do that."
"Eww, this place is so hot, and loud, and smelly."
"Do these people really think this is amusing?"
And on and on. As I wrote earlier, having fun often involves letting loose and acting less proper and controlled than you normally do. Lighten up a little. You can't bring rigid, serious, humorless sensibilities to fun situations.
Don't see having fun as immature or beneath you
I think at times I wasn't able to be fun because I almost thought of the very idea of having fun was base and puerile. I saw it as something shallow, vacuous people did, not me. I was too mature and intelligent to lower myself to that level. Yeah, seriously, I thought like that sometimes. Being able to joke around and have a good time doesn't cancel out or diminish your intelligence. I'm glad I realize that now.
