Even If A Situation Is Only Slightly Unpleasant That Can Still Be Enough To Make You Avoid It

We all easily understand that if something is really painful we'll be very motivated not to deal with it. If you get horrible headaches every time you're in a spot where the music is too loud, you're going to have a strong drive to keep away from those places.

It's also clear that we often choose to avoid things that are moderately uncomfortable, where we could get through it if we had to, but unless we're getting something important out of it, it doesn't feel worth the trouble. Like many people can give speeches without completely falling apart, but it makes them nervous enough that they won't get up in front of an audience if they can help it.

What we can sometimes be less tuned into is we frequently go out of our way to skip or put off tasks and events that are only mildly irritating and inconvenient. It doesn't take that much time or energy to hang up a new picture, but you still procrastinate on it for months. If there are two grocery stores close to your home, and one has a better selection, but is five minutes farther away, you may never go to it. That extra little bit of walking or driving is just enough of a hassle to tip the scale.

What's more is that we tend to exaggerate the unpleasantness of these inconvenient moments in our heads. The thought of having to spend a few extra minutes on the way to the store can feel sooooo burdensome, when it's really not very out of the way. The mind has a bias where it gives more weight to negative experiences, even if they aren't that awful in the grand scheme of things.

When I type it out like that it seems obvious that people make decisions like this all the time, but in practice we're often not consciously aware of when we're dodging situations because they're only a tad unpleasant. We just make an automatic choice to do whatever feels easiest at that moment.

How this applies to your social and mental health development

In terms of trying to reach certain social or mental health recovery goals, sometimes there's a blatant fear or logistical issue standing in your way. However, at other times you may be unthinkingly choosing not to do something that's totally achievable, but just annoying enough that you'd decide not to do it if given the option. If you used a small amount of willpower to push through the minor discomfort, you could manage the task easily.

A good habit to get into is whenever you don't want to do a certain thing, ask yourself, "Is this really that horrible and difficult, or am I just trying to avoid some mild inconvenience, and the minor amount of emotional discomfort that comes with it?" Similarly, you may want to reflect on whether there's anything you're avoiding or putting off simply because there's some tiny nuisance involved. If you consider it a little more, is it really that bad?

If you do this you may find there are a few tasks that aren't nearly as arduous as you've unconsciously built them up to be. For example, you heard about a weekly meet up you could check out downtown, but traffic is a bit slow that time of day, and your initial gut response was "Ugh, it'll be such a pain to get there." But if you think about it for another beat or two you realize, "It's just a thirty minute trip. I could totally do that."

It's also possible that a task has some irksome elements to it, and that is playing a part in your urge to avoid it, but those factors are mainly an excuse for a bigger fear. Like the slightly bad traffic is one reason you don't want to go to that meet up, but what's really holding you back is a deeper worry about being judged and rejected by the people you could meet there. If a larger fear or mental block is in play, that's okay, but it's good to at least be up to speed on what's really holding you back.

Common mild social inconveniences

When it comes to social goals, here are some little hassles that can trigger that unthinking "This is too hard, I don't want to" response: