Social Skills And Emotional Intelligence Matter, But Being Told That Can Be Hurtful

I want to quickly cover this, as it's something I've heard several people talk about over the years. Maybe you can relate because it's happened to you as well:

Social skills and emotional intelligence are important life skills. For certain settings they can even be more important than raw overall intelligence, or talent and knowledge in a particular field. Sometimes you'll see someone reference some study, or their personal experience, to claim that students with average grades who are likable and good at networking end up having more successful careers than smart, talented, straight-A ones who lack people skills.

Communication skills can be more useful than book smarts, sure, but some intelligent, naturally talented people have felt hurt when they heard that idea. Maybe a mean, envious classmate wanted to knock them down a peg and said, "Yeah fine, you're smarter than me, but you're awkward and annoying, so it won't matter. I'll get further in life than you." Or maybe one of their university professors brought up the concept with good intentions when they explained to their class that the studious bookworms wouldn't go as far as the well-rounded students.

Intelligent adults may vividly remember times their abilities were dismissed like this, and still feel upset by it years later. It can sting because it feels like someone really felt the need to go out of their way to inform them that their strengths don't matter. It was like their intelligence was so irritating to another person that they just had to shoot it down. They wonder what they did so wrong to attract someone's disapproval, and question if other people feel the same way. Do they really seem that unlikable?

It's not unusual for naturally brainy people to have insecurities about their intelligence. They may have been told how special they are since they were little kids. They feel the pressure to live up to their "potential". They know they're not perfect geniuses at everything they try, and already secretly feel like a fraud who is going to let everyone down. Being told their intelligence isn't so amazing or useful after all just adds to their fears and baggage.

"Intelligence is overrated" comments can also make someone resistant to improving their social skills, which may hurt them in a more practical sense. They may not think it's possible to improve in the first place, because those types of remarks can create a false dichotomy between naturally smart, awkward people and charismatic, average-intelligence ones. Or they may know they can brush up on their communication skills in theory, but don't want to, because they resent being unfavorably compared to their more sociable peers. They can develop an Us vs. Them attitude, and think working on their people skills is the same as giving in and becoming like the enemy.

Like I said, I only had a few quick thoughts to share about this subject, but if you've been through something like this yourself, hopefully it's helped you know you weren't the only one.