Home Page & Article Index
This site is a collection of articles on various topics related to social skills and getting along with other people.
Taken as a whole it's also a guide on how shy, lonely, socially awkward people can get over their issues.
As far as I know this is one of the most extensive sites on the topic out there, and I've put a lot of work into making it as useful as possible. Even then, there's a lot of information I could still cover.
The content here is geared towards adults and older teenagers, though some of the advice could be useful to younger children.
This site is a one man show. I used to be really shy, lonely, and socially clueless myself and everything written here is based on my own experiences in overcoming these problems.
- Chris
New here?
First, thanks for visiting. Whether you're just looking for some quick tips on meeting people, or you've been lonely for years, I hope my site can help you.
Further down the page are links to all the articles I've written. If you've just arrived here, the list may seem a bit overwhelming at first.
- Don't feel you have to read everything, or everything in order.
- I'd recommend you jump to whatever seems the most interesting, or the most relevant to your situation.
- After that, keep reading whatever catches your eye until you feel you've learned what you need. Odds are not every article will apply to you personally.
- The articles are grouped into categories.
- Within each category I've put the more important articles first.
- I've put the more practical, wider-appeal categories about things like making friends higher up on the page.
- The later categories are more about things to avoid, and are more geared towards people who have a fair amount of difficulty socializing.
Blog
This site has a blog attached to it. Whenever I add a new article to the main site I'll make a post on the blog about it. The blog also has some of its own features, like links to articles about social skills on other websites.
About The Site
These articles are about the site itself. Definitely check out the one on its philosophies if you want a better idea about where some of my advice is coming from.
About The Site's Author
Why I Made This Site
The Philosophies And Assumptions Behind This Site
The Limits Of This Site's Advice
The Process of Improving
There's a bunch of these, but feel free to skip further down to other sections first if you want. These articles are about the overall process of improving your social skills. You won't find any specific tips on topics like making conversation here. If you see improving your social skills as a long road, these articles will give you some insights about what to expect on the way.
Factors That Seem To Lead To Weak Social Skills
How Long Does It Take To Improve Your Social Skills?
There's No Quick, Effortless Way To Improve Your Social Skills
Why You Need To Directly Practice Your Social Skills And How To Do It
Indirectly Become More Socially Successful By Improving Yourself As A Person
Overcoming Laziness, Inertia, And Fear
Having A Realistic Idea Of The Effects Of Improving Your Social Skills
Overall Attitudes That Will Help You Improve Your People Skills
Stages You Can Go Through As You Improve Your People Skills
Some Reasons People May Put Off Applying This Site's Advice
Read This If This Site Makes You Feel Discouraged
When People Don't Notice You've Improved
The Idea of Changing
People sometimes associate improving their social skills with having to change as a person more than they'd like. I don't think this is really the case.
You Don't Have To Totally Change And Sell Out To Have Social Success
Sometimes Changing Yourself Can Increase Your Social Success
Meeting People And Making Friends
A lot of people probably want to check these out. They're everything I've learned about building a social life for yourself.
How to Make Friends And Get A Social Life
How To Meet People
Mistakes Lonely People Often Make
Ways To Improve Your Social Prospects Before You Try Meeting Anyone
Is It Okay To Hang Out With Another Guy One On One?
Friendship Problems
Articles on some common problems people have expressed about making friends and maintaining their friendships.
When Your Life Circumstances Interfere With Your Social Life
When People Don't Seem Interested In Starting Friendships With You
When You Feel Like A Second Tier Member Of Your Social Group
When You Feel Like Your Social Circle Is Indifferent To You
When You Feel Like Your Friends Suck
When Your Friends Tease You A Lot
Making Plans
A big part of getting a social life involves making plans with people.
Making Plans With People
Inviting Yourself To Social Events
Things To Do With Other People
Planning Problems
Here are some articles on how people can have trouble planning things with friends.
When Friends Are Always Late Or Unreliable
Ways People Can Unintentionally Leave Friends Out Of Social Events
Getting Along With People
These articles are about how to get along with people better. A recurring theme in them is developing a mindset that's conducive to socializing with others.
How To Be More Friendly And Social
Traits That Help You Hang Out With Other People
How To Be More Fun
Regular Logical Mode vs. Fun Partying Mode In Social Interactions
Getting Along With New Groups
Little Social Annoyances That Will Never Go Away
Some Ways People Are Mentally Lazy About Judging Others
Thoughts On 'Connecting' With People
The Challenges Of Socializing At An Office Job
Conversation
Some practical advice on talking to people. I don't give a lot of specific, "Say this in this situation"-type advice. I'm more about general principles that will allow you to easily come up with things to say on your own.
Thoughts On How To Make Conversation
Some Tips On How To Be Less Quiet In Conversations
How To Do Better In Loud, Crazy Group Conversations
Some Thoughts On The Point Of Small Talk
When People Say "How's It Going?", "What's Up?" or "What's New?"
Knowledge & Lifestyle
You can indirectly affect your social success through your lifestyle, or through your knowledge and experiences:
Factors That Can Boost Your Social Success Quite Quickly
How Your Interests Can Affect Your Social Success
How Traveling/Backpacking Can Boost Your Social Skills
Lifestyle Factors That Can Affect Your Social Success
Reading More Can Indirectly Boost Your Social Success
Losing Your Naivety And Getting More Of An Edge
Personality
These articles are more or less about more global personality traits that can affect how well you do socially.
How Being Less Naturally Social Can Affect Your Interpersonal Success
Thoughts On How To Be Funny
Thoughts On How To Be More Interesting
Non-Verbal Communication
It's actually a misconception that 93% of all communication is non-verbal, but it's still important. These articles cover this area.
The Importance of Getting Your Appearance In Order
Learning To Make More Eye Contact With People
Confidence
Some things I've learned about becoming more confident.
My Experience With Becoming More Self-Confident
Reflections On Getting Over Low Self-Esteem
More General Concepts
These articles talk about really general, far-reaching principles.
Loosen Up To Be More Socially Successful
The Importance Of Simplicity And The Basics In Social Interactions
Advice Geared More Towards Guys
The articles below are probably more relevant to guys, specifically younger guys.
How To Dance - For Average Guys
My Advice For Any Shy, Awkward Guys Still in High-School
How I (Gradually) Became Less Obsessive About Playing Video Games
Advice Geared More Towards Women
I write what I know, and as I guy I don't have a ton to say about social skills from a female perspective...
Inside The Mind Of Guys Who Are Shy And Inexperienced With Women
Thoughts On Advice
My opinions on some of the other advice that's out there about how to improve your social skills.
Social Skills And Self-Help Advice That Hasn't Worked For Me
Attitudes Towards Socializing That Are Easier Said Than Done
How The Type Of Advice Someone Can Give Can Change Over Time
Mental
Stuff related to mental health concerns and mental states, mainly anxiety.
Mental Health And Social Success
Anxious Traits That Can Hinder Your Social Success
Coping With Nervousness
Dealing With Regrets Caused By Your Poor People Skills
The Other Side
Articles from the perspective of someone with half-decent social skills.
Some Little Things I've Noticed Now That I Have Better Social Skills
How To Talk To Shyer And/Or Less Social People
Traits To Avoid
Socially awkward people sometimes have traits, or hold attitudes, that actively hold them back. The information in these articles can be useful, but they are pointing out flaws you may have. They may be hard to take at times.
Insecure Traits And Behaviors That Hinder Your Social Success
Some Interpersonal Pitfalls More Intellectual Types Can Fall Into
Thoughts On Seeming Less Weird
Reflections On Being Defensive And Secretive
Is Thinking You're Better Than Other People Holding You Back Socially?
Being Too Negative Can Hinder Your Social Success
Is Bitterness Holding You Back Socially?
If You're Actually Not All That Interested In Learning Social Skills
Some people who don't have great social skills aren't super keen to improve them. These articles are for them.
When You Want To Do Better With People... But Not Really
Benefits Of Improving Social Skills, Even If You Don't Care About Them
Somewhat Controversial / Things You May Not Want To Hear
My experiences have led me to believe that the articles below are on to something, but they generally go against the grain about what is generally believed to be true among more socially unskilled types. They may rub you the wrong way.
At Times It's Socially Practical To Know Things Other People Care About
Other People Often Aren't As Shallow As They Seem
Reasons People Can Mistakenly Think They Don't Like Something
Some Ways People Can Excuse Their Legitimate Social Weaknesses
Some Ways People May Not Be Totally Sure What They Want Socially
Drinking, etc.
This section is also a little controversial just because of the topics it discusses and some of the things I have to say about them. As I like to mention where ever I can though, I'm not encouraging anyone to drink or do drugs in any way. In no way are they necessary to do better socially.
It's Fine If You Don't Drink, But Don't Be Too Uptight About It
Bars And Clubs Aren't All Bad
Alcohol, Drugs, And Socializing
Remedial Dating Advice
A subsection of guys who have trouble with their social skills also struggle with dating and relationships. Think a 22-year old who's miserable because he's never had a girlfriend. I have another, smaller sister site that has a handful of articles devoted to that issue. It's totally free as well.
DatingGroundwork.com - Remedial Dating Advice For Inexperienced Guys
