Examples: Starting Conversations, Inviting People Out, and More
The articles on this site focus on general ideas and don't contain many examples. A few people have pointed this out. Through poking around message boards I've also seen questions asking for specific examples quite often. A common one is, "How do you start a conversation with people?"
So I'll do my best to give some examples for this as well as a few others.
Examples have some limitations though. The biggest is that the words themselves aren't nearly as important as how you say them and the context you say them in. The three important factors are you, them, and the context.
- 'You' would include things like your looks, confidence, conversational skills, sense of humor, friendliness, capacity to be interesting, level of life experience, level of knowledge, etc etc. If the 'you' is in good shape then the right things will naturally tend to come out of your mouth, and in the right way.
- 'Them' refers to the other person/people and would include their personality, their past, likes and dislikes, opinion towards you, their mood that day, things going on in their lives, whether they feel like talking that day, etc etc. If the other person is biased against you, then everything you say will carry less weight. The opposite is true if they've decided they like you.
- The context refers to your relationship to the other person/people, the situation you're talking to them in, the broader situation in the world, what you or they were doing or talking about a few minutes ago, etc etc. In one situation a particular joke may win you points, in another it may be the completely wrong thing to say.
Basically this is a long way of explaining that two people can say the exact same words to someone else but have completely different results. Compare Brad Pitt saying, 'Wow some weather we're having today!' to a young woman at a bar compared to a creepy old man saying the same thing to a woman on the bus.
Mainly examples can just give you a general sense of how to approach things. You can come up with your own variations tailored to your exact situation. Here are mine below. I've deliberately stuck to the most typical, generic, day-to-day ways of doing things, so if your social skills are already decent a lot of this will seem basic. Sometimes there's a tendency for less socially savvy guys to look for special, ultra-effective ways of talking to people. If you've got your act together and your personality is good then you shouldn't have a problem interacting with people in a typical fashion. It's not about the words but everything behind them.
Starting a conversation with people
There's a couple little ways you can go about this. What really matters though is how well you can handle yourself in the conversation once it gets underway. You could know the most witty, interesting line in the world to get someone talking but if you can't keep things going after that then it won't do you much good. On the other hand, if you have good things to talk about then you can start the conversation with something simple and basic. The other person will be fine with that if what you say afterwards is interesting.
General Greeting
1. "What's up?"
2. "How's it going?"
3. "What's going on?"
Pretty simple obviously. Just those few words are often all it takes to get someone talking when they otherwise wouldn't do it on their own.
Asking a question about the other person
Another way to start things off. Usually the question arises out of the situation you're in.
1. "How do you know Lisa?" (girl throwing the party, mutual friend, etc.)
2. "You ready for this test?"
3. "Have you seen any of this guy's other movies?"
4. "How long have you been working here?"
Jumping to something they want to talk about
If you get a sense that a person has certain interests or things they may want to talk about you can skip right to that. If they do then the ensuing conversation will be pretty easy as you can both talk about something you like and know about.
1. (question about interest) "You ever go rock climbing?","You watch any sci-fi shows?"
2. (indirectly asking about interests) "You ever go to (well-known bar)?" (i.e., you're asking about a bar they go to but you're really getting a sense of what type of music they like, what kinds of people they hang around, etc).
3. (asking about event) "You see the game last night?","Have you seen the new _____ movie?"
Throwing out a hook
This is slightly more indirect. You make a statement out loud, generally directed at the other person, that gives them the opportunity to talk back if they want to. The other person doesn't have to talk back, and you can't count on it, but it sets you up as someone who's friendly and chatty. If they feeling like talking to you then you've made an opportunity for them to do so. Or they may be more likely to approach you to talk in the future.
1. "Hi", "Hey" or any other quick hello.
2. (quick comment about surroundings) "Dude, it's cold outside","Man, that class was boring today","The traffic was brutal today, huh?","Man, it's busy here."
3. (quick question about surroundings)"Do you know what time it is?","Did you go to the lecture yesterday?","Do you know when the bus is coming?","Do you know when the band starts playing?","Do you know what drinks are cheap here?"
4. (quick question about other person) "You're in my Communications class too right?","You work around here?","Were you at (popular pub) last night?".
Again, if they want to the other person can just quickly acknowledge you or answer your question and not continue the conversation any further. But often they will.
Joining other people's conversations
This is just a matter of waiting for a good opportunity to jump in with something interesting of your own to say. Like if everyone is talking about camping and you have a funny camping story then you can wait for a lull and then speak up and tell it.
Asking a guy for his number
Say you've met a cool guy who you'd like to hang out with as a buddy in the future. You can just say something along the lines of:
1. "Hey man, let me get your number."
2. "Hey, what's your number man?"
3. "Hey, what's your number? I'll call you if we're ever doing x (thing you were talking about earlier like checking out a certain bar, seeing a band, going to a certain person's house)."
4. "Hey, let me give you my cell phone number. Give me a call if you're doing x (thing he was talking about doing that you'd be interested in being invited to)."
Asking a guy to hang out over the phone
With guys you can keep things short and get to the chase.
You have something in mind
You: "Hey man, what's going on?"
Him: "Not much, not much, blah blah blah"
You: "Cool, cool. What're you up to this weekend?"
Him: "Oh nothing much" / "Oh, thinking of hanging out with Dave this Friday" / "blah blah blah. What are you up to?"
You: "I'm thinking of checking out (some bar) on Saturday night. Want to come out?"
Him: "Yeah, that sounds good" (Go over details)
You: "Alright cool, I'll see you then. Give me a call if anything comes up"
You don't have any plans and are looking for something to do
Just call people up and see what's going on with everyone.
You: "Hey man, what's going on?"
Him: "Not much, not much, blah blah blah"
You: "Right on. What're you up to this weekend?"
Him: "Oh nothing much" / "I'm seeing (some movie) on Sunday." / "blah blah blah... What are you up to?"
You: "Want to do something on Saturday?" / "Oh yeah? Mind if I come along?" / "Nothing, just calling to see if you wanted to do anything."
If he says he can't come out
No big deal.
1. "Okay cool, I'll catch you later."
2. "Ah yeah?, Well let me know if you change your mind."
3. "You sure? It'll be good..."
4. "Cool cool. What're you doing on Friday then?"
