Being Too Negative Can Hinder Your Social Success

I've noticed that as a group, socially unskilled people tend be more negative than average. I say this in every article, but this is something I've struggled with as well. I've most certainly turned people off in the past by being too cynical or pointing out the flaws in things. I'm not as bad now, but I still catch myself being negative more often than I'd like.

Negative people are off putting. It's just viscerally unpleasant to be around someone who's injecting unpleasant emotions and vibes into every conversation. It's not that their points are never valid, but it wears you down to always be subjected to that perspective.

Ways people can be negative

People can be negative in a number of ways, such as:

Being a downer in general.
Constantly pointing out the mistakes, inconsistencies, and down sides in everything, even if they're minor or no one asked.
Being too outwardly cynical.
Being pessimistic ("Nothing will go well. Nothing will ever get better").
Not liking anything.
Being too picky and hard to please.

Targets for negativity

People can also direct their negativity towards a number of things. Everybody has thoughts like the ones below, it's more a matter of degree, whether someone is constantly dwelling on the bad side of things or not:

Towards yourself (i.e., low self-esteem).
Towards your future prospects ("I'll never have friends. I'll never be happy.")
Towards other people ("I'd have friends, but everyone at my school is so boring.")
Towards general groups ("I hate hipsters. They think they're better than me because they listen to crappy obscure bands.")
Towards larger, more abstract organizations or institutions ("My city is so phony and stuck up.", "Everyone in my country is a moron.", "I have nothing in common with society.")
Towards art, in the form of being overly critical and nit picking ("Yeah, that movie's okay, but some of the plot elements are a little contrived.", "That game's okay, but...", "That book's okay, but...")

When someone is blatantly negative it's pretty obvious, but you can also do it in a more subtle way, where you may not even realize how often you're doing it. Either way, negativity can be a habit that's hard to break.

Reasons people can be too negative

I think there are a lot of reasons someone can end up being this way. Most of them are reasonable. It's not like people intentionally set out to be gloomy downers, they just fall into it without realizing how they got there:

Your life isn't too great at the moment, and that naturally affects your outlook on things for the worse.
You've had an unhappy life. Your past hasn't given you any reason to think the world is anything else than a negative place.
You unintentionally picked up the pattern from someone while you were younger.
You're depressed or anxious. It's a 'chicken or the egg' situation, but negativity and pessimism often accompany these moods.
Poor self-esteem. You criticize things to feel better about yourself, whether to knock things down to your level, and/or to boost your ego by feeling smart and capable for noticing the flaws in things.
You think you're being intellectual. You see noticing the flaws in things as a sign of perceptiveness, analytical ability, and honed critical thinking skills.
You're a little too rational and not in touch with your emotions. Negative information doesn't seem like a big deal to you because you're not tuned into its unpleasant emotional weight. It's just as valid a thing to bring up as anything else.
It may be part of your humor. You may think you're being a clever, observational comedian or commentator by pointing out the flaws in things.
You associate being cynical and overly skeptical towards certain things with being 'in the know' and aware of how the world really works.
You associate negativity with being deep, complicated, a tortured soul, etc.
You associate negativity with having refined tastes. Putting down mediocre things allows you to show what good taste you have.

Signs you may be too negative

Here are some things I've noticed about my own negative habits:

You're always complaining about things, even it's in a rational, logical, "This is an interesting tidbit to mull over" kind of way.
Your mind is tuned towards noticing the flaws in things (people, plans, ideas, art).
Even inconsequential flaws in something will ruin it for you. You have a tough time seeing the bigger, overall positive picture.
If you see a flaw in something, you just have to speak up and say something about it. You feel a little rush, like you're winning points, when you do this.
If other people are talking about the positive aspects of something, you have this urge to go, "Yeah, but..." and point out its negative aspects.
Sometimes you get this glee when you're being negative with someone else and tearing something down.
Certain aspects of the world get under your skin, and you have to rant about them to anyone who will listen.
If something is going well, you've got a dozen reasons why it actually sucks and won't work out.
You think positive people are naive, have low standards, and are impressed too easily.

The difficulty of breaking the negativity habit

I said earlier that being too negative can be like a bad habit. It can be a hard one to break for a number of reasons:

You just have to say negative things. The urge is too strong.
Being negative can become so second nature you have a hard time noticing all the times you're doing it.
You get something out of being negative: Feeling intelligent and clever, feeling superior, feeling like a downtrodden victim, having an excuse to dismiss things that make you uncomfortable, etc.
If you stopped saying negative things, you'd have nothing left to say in conversations.
You don't see being more positive in a good light. You associate it with "Positive Thinking" and all the images of glossy eyed, emptily smiling, self-help book adherents that brings up (I'd consider that kind of stuff to be overly positive if anything, real positivity is more down-to-earth, not so over the top).

A few ideas on to be less negative

Unfortunately I don't have an extensive list of advice on how to become less negative. I guess this is partially because I haven't completely figured out this problem myself, even if I do know that it can hold you back. Here's what I can think of:

Be aware of the the problem and how being too negative isn't a good thing. That's what this article may do.
Just try to hold your tongue. If you feel the urge to criticize something or go off about some topic, try to keep it to yourself.
In general, work on any issues that may be contributing to your negativity.
Don't see being positive as a liability. It doesn't mean you have to be hippy dippy and love everything, or that you have to sacrifice your preferences, or that you can never think anything is wrong with anything.
Try to get more in touch with the emotional aspect of conversations. On a logical level something may seem fine to talk about, but it may sour people's moods, or deflate the vibe of a group discussion.
This isn't something you can exactly seek out, but if you ever find yourself around another negative person, it can really show you from an outside perspective how irritating it can be. That may give you the push you need to cut down yourself.