When You Want To Do Better With People... But Not Really
This article discusses an issue some people may be able to relate to, but it doesn't really provide much in the way of a solution. I'm not sure if there really is one. I think I mostly wrote it just to let everyone know that I'm aware some people have a certain attitude towards this site's topic.
Obviously some people are desperate and keen to do better with others. However, at other times someone will read one of my articles then conclude, "Wow, I just can't be bothered to do all that stuff." They realize their social skills or social lives technically aren't that great, but another part of them doesn't really care. Here are some reasons I think someone may feel like this:
It's too much work
Someone may think of improved social skills in the same way most people think of having six pack abs; it would be nice in theory, but they don't want to put in the effort required to actually get them. They're not totally comfortable with their current physique, but they're not upset enough either that they feel a strong need to change. What they have is good enough for the time being.
They don't like socializing all that much
A person may see all the benefits of having better people skills on paper, but in reality they're just not all that interested in socializing. They're maybe solitary by nature, picky about who they hang around, or aren't drawn towards the "mainstream" that most people seem to occupy.
They only want a specific social reward
Someone may feel lonely, awkward, or like a loser in general, but when you look at their desires, they're really only interested in a specific social reward. They're not particularly motivated to get better socially for it's own sake, they just want that one reward. In fact, they may see improving their general social skills as a waste of time that doesn't address their real concern.
Among socially awkward males, getting into a relationship is a fairly common specific goal. Guys like this may be totally fine with never having many friends or not being able to relate to people very well, but what does cause them a lot of stress and unhappiness is not being able to have a girlfriend. If they could find themselves in a relationship tomorrow, they'd be pretty content if the rest of their social life stayed the same as it always has. This doesn't apply to every guy who wants a partner though, some also want to do better in other social areas too.
Their lives are pretty enjoyable anyways
Just because your social life isn't perfect doesn't mean your life can't be fun and meaningful in other ways. It may be good enough that you don't feel a strong tug to get your social skills in order. Maybe improving them will make you a bit happier, but you're already happy, so why go to the trouble?
What do you do if you're in this position? Well, in one sense if you have this mindset then you don't really care about fixing it. If you do want to feel more motivated, here are some ideas. I don't have a lot of them, or any magic solution, but here's what I can think of:
Don't change if you don't want to, or don't change yet
Maybe you stumbled onto this site by accident, or read some of its articles out of curiosity, but you really aren't interested in improving your interpersonal skills right now. That's fine. Or you may have some urge to change, but not enough at the moment. Maybe you can work on this stuff later.
Don't feel you have to follow every piece of advice you read, pick and choose instead
Taken all together, the advice on this site is about how to become a fairly sociable person who can relate to a range of people and do well in a variety of situations. But you may not care about everything I have to say. Maybe you want to do better with your conversations, but have no desire to be a super friendly, outgoing person, or to learn how to dance in clubs. Ignore what isn't relevant to you.
Also, don't feel that "improving your social skills" means you have to become outstandingly charismatic and magnetic, or that everyone who improves interpersonally turns into the same kind of person. You may want to largely keep your life the way it is now, but just tweak an area here and there. You may want to stay the same 'you', but just have a couple more friends, or feel a little more comfortable with yourself.
Be sure you're not glorifying your current poor social abilities
It's not all that uncommon for unsociable people to glorify their situation in life. They may do this in a melodramatic way and see themselves as the center of their own cosmic tragedy, a misunderstood soul who must wander through the world alone. Or the glorifying may be in a more snide, sarcastic manner. Like, "Oh man, people suck. People are so stupid. I'm so glad I try not to deal with them. I'm so much smarter than those dumbasses. Heh."
I talk about this elsewhere on the site. In summary, thinking like this is just a way to make yourself feel better about your situation. It's not you, it's them. Blah blah blah.
Be sure you're not just putting down something you're not comfortable with
Another reason some people are down on socializing is because they're not comfortable with it. They may have some bitter feelings towards the idea of relating to people because of past experiences. It's easier for them to tell themselves that people and socializing aren't worth their time. That way it's not their fault, some flaw in the outside world is to blame.
Try to figure out a way to get what you want, but not have to change
I'm not sure how to do this myself, but if you put your brainpower to it, you may figure out a way to reach your social goals but not put too much work into getting them.
It's not always a ton of work
In my own experience working on your social skills is mostly easy to fit into your life and simple to work on. You don't really schedule time to work on this area the way you would with your physical fitness, more when you're around people you would be anyways you try new strategies to socialize with them more effectively. Like you're hanging around your coworkers and you try X to get along with them when normally you'd do Y.
However, their are times when more work and commitment is involved, like when you're trying to make a new group of friends or really step out of your comfort zone.
