You're Not Automatically A Bad Person If You Don't Like Or Care About Most People

Some people aren't that social. They're happy to spend a lot of time on their own, and don't feel like they're missing out on much by doing so. They may get most of their limited interpersonal needs met by their romantic partner, one closer friend, a handful of more casual acquaintances, or their interactions with co-workers.

On top of that, they may not really like most of the people they meet. They don't have anything in common with them or think they have much to offer. They might see the average person as dumb, irrational, and annoying.

Also, they may not feel a lot of warmth or emotional empathy toward others. Like if a neighbor is sad because their cat is sick, they can logically understand why they're upset, and may know how to go through the motions of saying something supportive, but internally they're shrugging. They don't feel emotionally moved themselves.

People with this social style and mindset may ask themselves, "Am I a bad person for feeling this way? Is there something wrong with me that I don't like most people, and don't really care about what they're going through?" They may have gotten messages their whole life that there's something wrong with them for being the way they are, straight from their family and classmates, or indirectly through the media and society. They might have heard things like, "Only heartless sociopaths don't feel empathy" or "Anyone who doesn't want friends must be a bitter jerk."

Personally I don't think being less drawn to other people or emotionally affected by their problems instantly makes you a "bad" person. It's all about how you outwardly treat everyone

From what I've seen over the years, some people simply have a lower need for social contact, and a more logical, detached way of approaching the world. Similarly, they may have more unique interests, personalities, and values, and not see much reason to spend time with most of the people they meet.

As long as they don't act on those feelings by being rude, callous, or exploitative, they're not doing anything evil. Plenty of people are choosier about who they want to hang out with, or not very emotionally warm deep down, but they still treat everyone with a basic level of respect. Their behavior may not be driven by touchy-feely love for their fellow man, but they still know how to be decent members of society.

On the other hand, there are people who are very sociable and capable of empathy, and they still do terrible things. They may even use their social skills and ability to tune into and feel others' emotions to more effectively exploit and manipulate their victims.

I disagree with messages that claim someone must be twisted and immoral if they're less inwardly social or caring. Just because an idea goes around doesn't automatically make it true. Yeah, some less-empathetic, loner types behave in awful ways, but hardly all of them. And like I just said, just because someone can be friendly and empathetic doesn't mean they're a saint.

Of course, if you do act like a jerk, then you should knock it off. It doesn't matter what your inner disposition is.

How do you feel about your negative mindset toward others?

Two people may question whether their attitude makes them "bad", but have different stances on their mindset itself:

• One doesn't have an issue with how they feel day to day. They're content with how they seem to be wired. Though because of all the messages they've gotten about how they should be, they can't help but wonder whether there's something off about their character.
• The other is bothered by their lower empathy and distaste for most people. They wish they were different. Their self-questioning about their "badness" is partially coming from that.

If you're in the first category, just being told you're not inherently horrible for being less-social and empathetic may be all you need to feel better. You can tell yourself, "The way I think isn't mainstream, but I'm happy with my life and not hurting anyone. I'm not doing anything wrong. It's not a crime if I don't feel warm and fuzzy toward everyone."

If you're in the second category you might find it partially relieving to hear you're not "bad" in a more abstract sense, but you still don't like your picky, cold outlook. It's a separate topic, but you can try to explore and possibly change that headspace. You may find your attitude goes back to childhood baggage, and once you heal from it you'll start to feel more friendly and compassionate toward everyone. But maybe not. You could also find that even after you do a bunch of work on yourself, you're still just not as social and sensitive as most people. If that's the case, you'll have to try to make peace with your natural personality and work around it as best you can.

Another perspective

I realize what I wrote about is just my opinion. Another viewpoint is that our "goodness" or "badness" is determined by how we feel about others deep down, not just how we act on the surface. In that case it would be a problem if you were outwardly considerate and cordial, but privately misanthropic and emotionally indifferent.

If you agreed with that stance, the question then would be to figure out exactly how "bad" you think your mindset makes you. Just a little "bad", like something you could live with? Extremely "bad"? If you think it makes you bad to a degree you couldn't accept, then you would want to genuinely change your attitude toward others. It's not for this article to explain how, but you'd have to find a way to improve your general opinion of them, learn to appreciate their company, and cultivate empathy for their struggles. Even if you couldn't get all the way there, every little bit would be a step in the right direction.